You Were Never Meant to Hold It All

Breaking the Cycle of Overdoing, People-Pleasing, and Self-Abandonment

Somewhere along the line, you learned that love had conditions.

That your worth was tied to how much you could carry, how much you could give, and how little you needed.

So you became the reliable one. The strong one.The one who kept it together.The one who said yes—even when your whole body was screaming no.

You became the one everyone leaned on…but no one checked in on.

And while the outside looked composed, capable, successful—your nervous system was screaming beneath the surface.

That anxiety you brush off as “normal”?That exhaustion that no amount of sleep touches?That pressure to be all things to all people?

It’s not just burnout. It’s survival mode. It’s the cost of constantly abandoning yourself to maintain connection.

The Pattern Beneath the Pattern

Overdoing and people-pleasing don’t come out of nowhere. They’re adaptations. Intelligent ones.

At some point in your life, it felt safer to be needed than to be yourself. So you shapeshifted. You tuned in to what others needed—and tuned out your own signals.

But here’s the truth I’ve seen again and again in my work: These patterns can be unlearned.

When clients come to see me—often exhausted, overwhelmed, and unsure of why they feel so “off”—we start by bringing awareness to the subtle cues their body gives them when they’re tipping into self-abandonment.

Because you can begin to notice before the breakdown. You can start reclaiming your space before you hit your edge.

How to Start Noticing Your Pattern

This isn’t about flipping a switch. It’s about slowly, consistently learning to come back to yourself.

Here are a few ways to begin:

1. Notice the "micro-yeses" that feel like a "no"

Start tracking how many times a day you agree to something with your mouth, while your body clenches or freezes. That’s your system whispering: this isn’t right for me.

2. Track your energy, not just your time

Instead of asking, Do I have time for this?, ask: Do I have the energy? The capacity? The desire? People-pleasers often override their own capacity in order to maintain connection. Learning to honor your energy is revolutionary.

3. Pay attention to resentment

Resentment isn’t a character flaw—it’s a signal. It usually means you’ve given something that wasn’t yours to give. Trace it back. Ask yourself: Where did I abandon myself in this exchange?

4. Pause before responding

If you’re someone who auto-says yes, try this simple shift: Take one breath before you respond. This tiny pause gives your nervous system a moment to scan for truth instead of reflex.

5. Ask yourself: “What do I actually want?”

Most people-pleasers haven’t asked this in years. Not what’s expected. Not what’s easiest. But what feels most true to me, right now?

Even if you don’t act on it yet—just naming it builds awareness.

The Healing Path

You don’t have to keep performing. You don’t have to keep pushing.

You are allowed to take up space in your own life. And that begins—not with a massive life overhaul—but with one honest moment at a time.

This work I do with clients isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about remembering who you were before the overgiving began. It’s about feeling safe enough to put the pattern down.

And eventually—choosing yourself without guilt.

If you’re ready to explore this with support, this space is here for you.

You’re not too much. You’ve just been carrying too much that was never yours to begin with.