Religious Trauma Recovery: Why I Am Not Mad at God Anymore

Standing in front of the First Southern Baptist Church in Buena Vista, CO, where my grandfather once preached, my husband and I reflect on the journey of healing from religious trauma.

“What stood out most was Heather’s ability to connect with exactly what my soul needed. It wasn’t just energy work—it was a spiritual realignment.”

Religious trauma recovery isn’t about leaving faith behind—it’s about healing fear-based teachings and reclaiming a safe, loving connection with God. In this article, Heather Headley shares her journey from childhood confusion and anger toward religion to finding peace, freedom, and a full-circle return to God’s love.

My Journey Through Religious Trauma Recovery

This photo I snapped in 2021—of an old church-turned-bed-and-breakfast in Buena Vista, Colorado—carries more weight than I realized at the time. My grandfather once preached there. I hadn’t planned to stop, but something pulled me in. Looking back, it felt like a quiet pilgrimage. An unexpected turning point in my healing.

My childhood was a strange spiritual mix. My dad—kind, generous, deeply principled—was an atheist. My mom, on the other hand, was a devoted Christian. I loved them both completely. But growing up, I was told that unless I “saved” my dad, he’d go to hell. That I’d be separated from him forever.

Imagine carrying that as a child. I adored the music at church, the sense of community, the mission work. But behind all of that lived a constant knot in my stomach—guilt, fear, pressure. That was the beginning of my religious trauma.

What Healing Really Looks Like

Over the years, I’ve learned that religious trauma isn’t just about bad church experiences. It’s the inner conflict—the fear that loving God means fearing yourself. That if you question things, you're doomed. That love has strings attached.

Researchers have started naming this too. One 2017 study showed that people who see God as kind and forgiving tend to be more emotionally grounded. And at Baylor College of Medicine, researchers found that when spirituality is rooted in compassion—not control—it actually helps your nervous system regulate better.

Which, honestly, just confirms what I’ve lived: healing doesn’t mean leaving faith behind. It means redefining it.

For a long time, I was angry—not just at religion, but at God Himself. How could a supposedly loving Creator condemn someone like my dad, who gave more to this world than most “believers” I knew?

But slowly, painfully, I began to untangle the wires. I realized: this wasn’t God’s message. This was man’s fear and control, projected onto something holy.

To me now, God isn’t fear. God is peace. God is love—not punishment.

“Heather has profoundly altered my life for the better. With every session I've become a better version of myself. I will be forever grateful for having been in her very capable and compassionate care.” — Jeff

Returning to God (Without Fear This Time)

I used to avoid the word “God” altogether. I’d say “Spirit,” “Source,” “the Divine”—because it felt safer. But over time, I realized... I missed Him. I wasn’t avoiding God. I was avoiding the fear that had been attached to Him.

Now, I talk to God daily. I feel Him. I hear Him. Not in a booming-voice sort of way—but in moments of calm, in the quiet knowing, in the unexpected peace that fills a room during a session.

“Heather’s work changed my life. I’m becoming someone I’m proud of. I’ll never stop being grateful.” — Jeff

If You're Navigating This Too...

Let me just say this: you don’t have to leave God to heal from religious trauma. You can let go of the fear and still hold onto the sacred. You can rewire your beliefs to reflect love, not shame.

This is what I help people do—through Reiki, coaching, spiritual mentorship. We create space for you to come home to yourself... and often, back to God.

“Heather made me feel safe being vulnerable. She gave me real tools. I feel like I’m finally healing.” — Abigail

The Clinical Side

More therapists are finally recognizing that religious trauma is real. In 2022, a study defined it as long-lasting emotional and spiritual distress caused by fear-based doctrine or controlling faith environments.

Recovery isn’t just about beliefs—it’s about safety. In your body. In your spirit. And in your connection with the Divine.

Want more on this topic?

Check out the Off The Deep End podcast with Rachel Tamilio.

Let’s Work Together (Wherever You Are)

Whether you’re local to Southern Oregon or across the country, healing is possible. I offer:

In-Person Sessions – Medford, Jacksonville, Ashland, Grants Pass, Talent, Phoenix

Virtual Sessions – For clients anywhere in the U.S.

Each session is private, compassionate, and tailored to your needs—combining body-based awareness, spiritual integration, and deep listening.

Book a Session

You can book a session here, or reach out with questions.

Religious trauma is heavy—but healing is real. And you don’t have to do it alone.

Book Now

What is religious trauma?

Religious trauma refers to the emotional, psychological, and spiritual harm that can arise from fear-based teachings, high-control communities, or shaming doctrines. Common experiences include anxiety, chronic guilt, scrupulosity, hypervigilance, and difficulty trusting yourself or God.

Do I have to leave my faith to heal from religious trauma?

No. Many people heal within their faith by separating fear-based interpretations from a direct, loving connection with God. Recovery can include redefining beliefs, setting boundaries, and rebuilding trust in your own inner guidance.

How do I tell the difference between God and fear-based teachings?

A simple touchstone is fruit: fear, shame, and coercion tend to constrict the body; love, peace, and clarity tend to soften and steady you. If a teaching produces chronic fear and self-doubt, it may reflect human interpretation rather than the character of God.

What are common signs of religious trauma?

Persistent anxiety around sin/punishment, intrusive religious fears, people-pleasing, difficulty making decisions without external authority, body tension during prayer/worship, and grief or anger related to past church experiences.

What helps with religious trauma recovery?

Trauma-informed support that blends nervous-system regulation (breath, grounding, somatic awareness), values-aligned spiritual practices (prayer/meditation free of shame), gentle belief-reconstruction, and community with safe people.

Is Reiki or holistic coaching compatible with Christian faith?

I have had people from all types of religions utilize my practice, some of the strictest in fact. Many clients of faith find these practices helpful because they emphasize peace, compassion, and embodied presence. They are not a religion; they’re supportive modalities you can integrate with prayer and your personal relationship with God.

How do I rebuild a relationship with God after religious trauma?

Start small: honest prayers, reading scripture or devotionals that emphasize love and mercy, and surrounding yourself with safe spiritual mentors. Let your body lead—if a practice brings peace and clarity, keep going.

Is this a replacement for therapy or pastoral counseling?

No. Coaching, Reiki, and spiritual support can complement—but not replace—licensed mental health care or pastoral counseling. If you’re experiencing severe distress, please seek help from a qualified professional.